TSAS #41: The Downsides of Being Self-aware

Hello SAS Community,

Today's Question:  Are there any downsides to being self-aware?

In this week's edition, we cover:

• While you know being self-aware has a lot of benefits, there are also downsides.

• How to develop a healthy form of self-awareness (Next Issue)

• Reading Time: 3 mins

You know there are a lot of benefits to becoming self-aware such as:

• ability to step back and evaluate your stress and emotions 

• seeking honest feedback to improve your actions and behavior

• Not be overly confident in your coolness and pretend to know everything

• Adopting a growth mindset and learning in the process

• Confident in leading groups or teams and making decisions

• Staying true to your passions, priorities, and core values

Those are just stating a few.

It is known as the meta-skill of the 21st century according to Organization Psychologist, Tasha Eurich. 

Now, I am not a psychologist but my journey of self-awareness began with painful past experiences. 

If you have been following me or reading my letters, you will partly know why. 

The truth is I am only getting started and there will be surprises for both you and me. Now, you are probably thinking why would there be any downsides to this?

Like any other skill, if you are not applying it correctly, it can drive unwanted and negative outcomes. 

Here are the 3 TOP downsides to being self-aware:

1. Introspection

The tendency to overthink and overanalyze situations.

This is where you live in your head and become too self-conscious of your environment. 

These are some of the phrases you might use,

Should I be wearing that outfit to the party? What will others think of me?

Or, what if I post something on social media and people start judging my looks?

How about I do not say anything because I don't want to upset anyone? 

You sacrifice a HUGE part of yourself because your self-consciousness creates unhealthy biases and assumptions. 

2. Being a people-pleaser

Now, this is where I see TONS of people as “People pleasing recoveries” where they have run themselves to the ground. 

These phrases may sound familiar. 

I should probably respond to this client at 11:00 pm. He really needs me. 

The need for “feeling important,” “validation”, and "acceptance" is a normal thing. 

We all humans need it whether we admit it or not. 

It is our core significant need. 

There is also a need for self-control. 

This can show up at work or a job where you may have taken all the workload or responsibilities. 

Sharing them or delegating feels like you are losing control when asking for support. 

No matter which side of the coin, it creates unhealthy boundaries. 

People with this type of characteristic can lose sight of who they are.

I took a job once where working 80 hours a week was normal. 

Everyone acted like they are glad that they have a job. How F* ed up is that?

I would come home for 20 minutes to shower and then drive back to work. 

After one year, my health was deteriorating, and I wanted to quit that position. 

I asked my boss to transfer me to a different department. 

Luckily, she listened and I learned that there will be NEVER enough money to sacrifice my health. 

3. A constant Seeker

This type of awareness can be detrimental to long-term negative effects. 

This is a tricky one. 

Have you ever worked for a leader who seems completely self-delusional?

They walk all over you or think they have it all figured out. 

One study found that more-experienced managers were less accurate in assessing their leadership effectiveness compared with less experienced managers. — Harvard Business Review

It can be frustrating when someone lacks compassion, empathy, and zero sense of how they come across. 

Yesterday, I had a neighbor knock on our door as if we committed a murder. 

Now, this is a new neighborhood for us. 

It is friendly and overall great. 

But, I was amazed when I opened the door and saw her face. 

My husband accidentally parked in her spot. 

It was late at night and the lots were all covered with fall leaves. 

So, she comes pounding heavily on the door and says, “You PARKED on my MY SPOT." 

Now, the tone completely sent the wrong message. Her reactions didn't exude a behavior where we could become potentially friendly neighbors. 

It was an honest mistake. 

People with those types of reactions exhibit self-delusional. 

You can't change who they are often but you can respond differently.

We were kind, and respectful, and parted ways as my husband moved his car. 

Seekers also never ask for any feedback. 

They create this illusion of living life in their own little perfect world. 

I knew a manager who thought was great at her job but her team didn't seem to agree or get along. 

When things fall apart with relationships, performance, or a catastrophic event, only then there is an awakening. 

Contrary to popular belief, studies have shown that people do not always learn from experience, that expertise does not help people root out false information, and that seeing ourselves as highly experienced can keep us from doing our homework, seeking disconfirming evidence, and questioning our assumptions. - Harvard Business Review

So, how can you develop a healthy form of self-awareness?

I am going to leave you for today but we will explore that in the next newsletter. 

What you can do instead to overcome them now that you are aware of the downsides.:)

Until then, Happy Halloween and be aware of your surroundings. 

Stay Humble, my friend.Yours Truly, Humaira"Create a collection of memories. Not distraction"